Tyrian, the Wiki


What in the universe is all this fruit doing flying around in outer-space? It has long been the practice of ship captains to destroy other ships and collect their protected food stores as a trophy, since most other matter is generally incinerated.

So why do we do it? What makes some sentient life so insensible to pain and suffering that we think picking up our victim's last meal is some sort of great feat of skill? It may seem humorous to you, gentle readers, to see flying mugs of ale, spinning oranges, and hurtling strawberries, but I see the remains of the dead, the unfortunate souls whose lives were lost without the benefit of scarfing down that last bit of replicated food.

I beseech thee, gentle reader, to think twice before reveling in such victory. Where will this madness end? Trade values measured in fruit to replace coins and gems? Perhaps someone will develop weapons of mass food destruction, allowing you to hurtle foodstuffs at unwary victims. No! This cannot be allowed to happen! Pray to Zinglon that he will free us from this vile threat!

Paid for by the benevolent members of the church of Zinglon.